dude i'm inner monologue high
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
