Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
