Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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