Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
whose parrot is this?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
