Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
