wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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