I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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