there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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