Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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