So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
