I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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