You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
