She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
