dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
