I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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