as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
