Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
