You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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