my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
