I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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