I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
