I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
