I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We were destined to go to rehab together
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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