the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
as a side note pls kill me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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