I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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