I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I looked at my own cervix.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
