Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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