Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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