I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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