woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
