Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
