I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
