how hairy? two words: wookie tits
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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