She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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