I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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