I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
