i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
