i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
