I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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