If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
