just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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