Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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