Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i believe in u and ur pee
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
