ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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