My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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