Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
