i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
