I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
