i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
