He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
