When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
